Watch what you eat The old lady put 6 cans of dog food on the supermarket conveyer belt, and began digging in her purse for her coupon. The cashier was the friendly sort, and struck up a conversation. ""So, what kind of dog do you have?"" ""Well,"" the old lady answered in a hushed tone, ""I don't really have a dog. With the price of meat these days, I've figured out that I can make some good, cheap casseroles using dog food. My husband doesn't seem to know the difference, so I'm saving a lot of…

*Husband buys me flowers* Me: Aw sweet, but don't waste money on things that are going to die. Him: But you keep buying the cat food.

It's a bitch After 17 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife for his young secretary. His new girlfriend demanded to live in the couple's multimillion dollar home. He gave his now ex-wife just 3 days to move out. She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, …

The widow A older woman's husband died and she is sitting at the kitchen table letting his ashes sift through her fingers. Harry, do you remember the jewelry I always wanted but you would never buy? See my diamond necklace and matching bracelet? I have them now. Thank you. Remember the furs you did not want to spend the money for? This is my mink and I have a sable upstairs. I have them now. Thank you. How about the vacations we could never afford? I leave today for The French Rivera with my 22 …