One day a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw a guy eating grass. He told the driver to stop. He got out and asked him, “Why are you eating grass?”The man replied, "I'm so poor, I can't afford a thing to eat." So the lawyer said, "Poor guy, come back to my house." The guy then said, "But I have a wife and three kids." The lawyer told him to bring them along. When they were all in the car, the poor man said, "Thanks for taking us back to your house; it is so kind of you." The lawyer sa…

I wish Kristen from finance would tell us her husband was an "attorney" one more time so I could feel better about shitting in her purse.

I'm going to run errands, need anything? "Yes, some new light bulbs" Why, our current bulbs are too heavy? "And a good divorce lawyer"

ME: my wife eats all the caramel corn and leaves the cheese JUDGE: give this man full custody of the kids ME: no wait they do the same thing