A drunk driver is stopped for... A drunk driver is stopped for heading the wrong way on a one-way street. The police officer asked the driver, ""Didn't you see the arrows?"" The drunk responds, ""Arrows? I couldn't even see the Indians.""

A pirate walks into a bar. He has the helm of a ship sticking out of his pants. The bartender very timidly asks him if he would like a drink. ""Arrrgh I'll have a pint of grog!"" The bartender gets him his drink, and everyone in the bar starts to whisper to each other about the pirate. After his third glass of grog, the bartender walks up to the pirate and says, ""hey buddy, everybody is wondering, what's with the steering wheel sticking out your pants?"" ""Arrrgh its me wife. She's been driving…

A joke I heard on a Townes Van Zandt album. I guess maybe NSFW? Paraphrased a bit. I doubt Mr. Van Zandt would mind, and god knows who he heard it. A cop is out walking the streets in a little town one night when he comes across a drunk man. The drunk is stumbling around the sidewalk back and forth like he's looking for something. Cop asks ""What're you looking for buddy?"" The guy slurs ""My car, officer, they took my car!"" The cop decides to play along because it's been a slow night. ""Alrigh…

A man promises his wife to quit drinking... ...but that night he let's his buddy talk him into going to happy hour. He ends up getting so drunk he vomits all over himself. Suddenly overcome with guilt, he starts crying to his buddy. ""What am I gonna do? I'm busted for sure."" But his friend has an idea. ""Let me see your wallet."". The man turns it over and the friend reaches in, pulls out a bill, and shoves it in the dirty shirt pocket. ""When you get home, tell your wife you stayed late at th…