A drunk is stumbling down the street, and approaches a cop on duty The drunk says, "Officer, I need your help. Somebody stole my car!" The cops askes, "Where was it when you last saw it?" The drunk replies, holding a silver key, "right on the end of this key." The cop chuckles, and says, "Well, you better head down to the station and fill out the proper forms. They'll help you out." The drunk says, "Ok", and starts to wander off. But before he can get away, the cop calls out to him. "Hey b…

Girlfriend A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car. The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the man's friend, Dave, and his girlfriend kissing one another. The bartender shook his head and walked back inside. He told the drunk that he thought it might be a good idea to check on his girlfriend. The fellow staggered outside to the car, saw his buddy and h…

Cop pulls over bad driver Cop- sir do you realize how badly you were switching lanes? Guy- sorry officer, I'm drunk af Cop-that's not a valid reason to let your girlfriend drive the car

A pirate walks into a bar. He has the helm of a ship sticking out of his pants. The bartender very timidly asks him if he would like a drink. ""Arrrgh I'll have a pint of grog!"" The bartender gets him his drink, and everyone in the bar starts to whisper to each other about the pirate. After his third glass of grog, the bartender walks up to the pirate and says, ""hey buddy, everybody is wondering, what's with the steering wheel sticking out your pants?"" ""Arrrgh its me wife. She's been driving…