Men vs Women **1. NAMES** If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara. If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy. **2. EATING OUT** When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. …

Loan shark: If you're late my guys will ... Me: Tell my gf my phone password? LS: Break every bone in your body M: Oh. Yeah that's fine

ME: i need a loan so i can build a robot army to take over the world with BANKER: what M: oops i meant 'with which to take over the world'

I just got off the phone with God. He's pretty bummed out. Poor guy has a huge crush on an atheist, but she doesn't even know he exists.