I refused to believe my road worker father was stealing from his job... ...but when I got home, all the signs were there. Few more: * I hate Russian dolls, theyāre so full of themselves. * I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnāt complain. * My girlfriend started smoking, so I slowed down and applied Lubricant. * I, for one, like Roman numerals. * People used to laugh at me when I would say āI want to be a comedianā, well nobodyās laughing now. * Throwing acid is wrong, in some peopleās eyes. * I havenāt slept for three days, because that would be too long. * The first time I got a universal remote control, I thought to myself āThis changes everything.ā * My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the local zoo. * My friend gave me his Epi-Pen as he was dying. It seemed very important to him that I have it. * Iāve spent the past four years looking for my ex-girlfriendās killer, but no one will do it. * I saw a sign that said āwatch for childrenā and I thought, āThat sounds like a fair trade.ā * I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner, all it was doing was gathering dust. * People say Iām condescending. That means i talk down to people.