I got chatting to a bird down the pub last night. She said, ""So what do you work as?"" ""It's a very important job,"" I said. ""I have to finalise deals in the transfer window."" ""Wow, a football agent?"" she asked. ""No,"" I replied. ""I work in the drive thru at McDonald's.""

A guy and his dog go into a bar... ...and the guy sits down at the bar. He orders a beer and drinks it, then orders another. The dog sits patiently at his feet. When it comes time for the guy to pay, he looks the barman in the eye and says, ""I'm afraid I don't have any money."" The barman is about to kick this joker's ass when the guy says, ""But I have something even better. I have a magical dog. He can talk."" This is a new one on the barman, and although he's skeptical, he decides to give th…

A visual joke... So a woman goes to the doctor and asks about options to augment her breasts. She doesn't want surgery, so that rules out implants. The doctor suggests a new technology for her bra that uses the inflatable pump mechanism that was made popular with basketball sneakers. If she helps trial the product, she'll get the product for free. She tries them out and gets fitted properly. It has little sacs in her bra that are inflated when she flaps her arms like a chicken [flap your arms li…

A man walks into a bar with his dog. ""This is a talking dog. If this dog can answer my questions, who will buy me a drink?"" he asks. ""You can have one on the house,"" the bartender says. The man turns to his dog. ""What goes on the top of a house?"" Dog: Roof. Man: ""What does tree bark feel like?"" Dog: Rough. Man: ""Who is the greatest baseball player ever?"" Dog: Ruth. The bartender is clearly annoyed and snaps at the man. ""That's enough. You and your dog, get out."" After the man and the…