A nervous young priest… is preparing for his first sermon. He goes to the elder bishop for advice, who tells him ‘Take a glass of vodka up with you, and every time you start to feel nervous, take a sip. Everyone will just think it’s water and it’ll help calm you down.’ The young priest follows the wise elders advice and delivers a truly impassioned sermon. When he gets back to his office, he finds a note from the bishop with some tips for the future. - Sip the vodka, don’t chug it. - There are 10 commandments, not 12 - There were 12 disciples, not 10 - We do not refer to the Lord Jesus Christ as the late great JC - We do not refer to the holy Trinity as Daddy, Jr, and Spook - When Balaam was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, we do not say he was stoned off his ass - David slew Goliath, not beat the ever loving shit out of him - Jesus said “Take, Eat, this is my body”, not “Eat me” - Finally, there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter’s next week.