Bill Gates dies in a car accident, He finds himself in purgatory, being sized up by St. Peter. ""Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call; I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows '95. I'm going to do something I've never done before in your case; I'm going to let you decide where you want to go."" Bill replied, ""Well, what's the difference bet…

Heavenly Marital Help Betty and Tim die in a car accident on the eve of their wedding. In Heaven, they ask St. Peter if they can still be married. ""Well, let me find out if this is possible. Stay here and I will be right back."" Six months pass and Peter returns. ""Yes, we can do this for you."" The couple asks, ""Well, as we have spent so much time together waiting for your answer, we need to know that if things don't work out, is there a possibility that we can be divorced?"" To which St. Pet…

A man dies in a car accident, and goes to Heaven When he walks past the Pearly Gates, he is greeted by St. Peter, and they walk into a house together. The man sees a wall with a bunch of clocks on it. He asks, ""What are all those clocks doing there?"" Peter replies, ""Those are *Lie Clocks*. Every time someone lies, the clock ticks once."" The man looks at his clock, and it reads about 1:15. After looking at all the clocks, he says, ""Uh, sir? Just asking, but where is Hillary Clinton's clock?"…

Another three nuns die in a car crash St. Peter confronts them at the gates of heaven. ""Sisters, welcome! You are devote, except for that bingo hall incident."" The sisters hold their heads low in silent acknowledgment. Peter continues, ""So, you must be held accountable for your transgression. I will give you a test of Bible knowledge, but because your lives were... mostly... guilt free, it will be an easy one."" The nuns nod in agreement. To the first, ""who was the first man?"" ""That's easy…