How many Lutherans does it take to change a lightbulb? Change? Why do we need change? (It's cool, I go to a Lutheran church)

Some of my favorite Scandinavian UFF DA jokes Ole and Lars were business partners and good friends. One day Lars started off for work and discovered he'd forgotten his tools. Returning home, he looked around for his wife, Lena, and finally found her in the bedroom. To his surprise, she was on the bed with no clothes on. ""Vat in the vorld are you doing vidout any clothes, voman?"" Lars asked. ""Vell, I yust don't have any clothes to vear, dat's why,"" answered Lena. ""Vat you talking about,"" sa…

Joining the church and . . . A crusty old man walks into the local Lutheran Church and says to the secretary, "I would like to join this damn church." The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?" "Listen up, damn it. I said I want to join this damn church!" "I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this church." And with that said, the secretary leaves her desk and walks into the pastor's study to inform …

My dad just sent me this one, as the squirrels continue to run amok at his non-denominational church. There was once a small town experiencing an overpopulation of squirrels. The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they should not interfere with God’s divine will. At the Baptist church, the squirrels had taken an interest in the …