If anyone sees Phillip... ...tell him I have his screwdriver.

Phillip the pus-sucker (NSFW) It seems that there is this guy named Phillip the pus-sucker. He was a specialist. What he used to do was go to people who had really bad cases of boils, cysts, and all kinds of horrible skin infections, and suck the pus and other juices out of their boils, for money. One day he gets a call from a lady who says she has a really big boil up her ass that's really bothering her. She can't take a shit without terrible pains. It's worse than hemorrhoids. So he goes to th…

The devil and three doors Phil finds himself dead and standing at the gates to hell. The devil approaches and says, ""Welcome Phillip, we've been expecting you. Allow me to explain how this works. Everyone that comes here gets an opportunity to choose how they will spend their eternity, behind one of these three doors. Go ahead and look and then come to me with your decision."" So Phil opens the first door and finds a room filled with snakes slithering along the ground, and everyone in the room …

My friend Phillip had his Lip removed... so now we just call him Phil.