Nurse: You need to eat or you can't have your pain meds. Me: Do the thing. Nurse: Me: Nurse: *holding fork* [sigh]*makes airplane noise*

Doctor: I'm sorry, but your Dad's in a coma. Teen: Huh? Doctor: He's in airplane mode now. Teen: OHHH NOOOOO!!

A fighter pilot is shot down over Germany in World War II... He wakes up in a German POW hospital. A German officer is standing over his bed as he comes-to. ""I'm verry sorry to inform you, but vee haff had to amputate your left leg,"" says the officer. ""Oh no,"" cries the pilot, ""lost a limb? This is terrible news. Crutches for the rest of my life and all that. Listen, could you boys do me a favor? Could you drop my leg over my base, so it can receive an American burial?"" The German confers …

A Pastor, a Mountain hiker, and a Doctor are all on an airplane... When the pilot suddenly comes out and says, ""The engine's failing and there's only 3 parachutes!"" So he grabs a parachute and jumps out the door. The Pastor says, ""I believe God wants me to live,"" so he grabs a parachute and jumps out the door. Then the Mountain hiker starts laughing his ass off and the Doctor says, ""We're about to crash and there's only one parachute left, why are you laughing?!"" Then the Mountain hiker sa…