Two Chicagoans die in an unfortunate car wreck. Tragic, especially considering they didn't exactly spend their days helping old ladies cross the street or volunteering at the Boys and Girls club. Nope, these fellows went straight to Hades. The Devil, as is his custom, goes to greet his two newest eternal residents, and despite rivers of lava and torrents of brimstone, they're standing around in jackets. ""Not hot enough for you?"" asked the Devil. ""What, this? Nah, this is like a Spring day in …

Pope Francis gets a new car. He's in Chicago for an appearance. His regular car is obviously not there and due to some mixup all they have is a huge SUV. When Francis sees this beast he thinks for a second. ""Hey, I've been kind of curious about these things. Do you mind if I drive?"" What are you supposed to say when the Pope asks that? ""Sure thing,"" says the driver. He hops in back and Francis gets behind the wheel. Francis is a little unused to all that engine power so they're lurching arou…

A wicked man who lived in Chicago died and went to Hell. As punishment for his many sins, the Devil shoved him into a room and proceeded to crank up the heat and humidity. But the man just smiled and said, ""Oh, this is just like Chicago in the Spring."" So, the Devil cranked up the heat and humidity even more, but the man just took off his coat, smiled again, and said, ""Well, this is just like Chicago in the summer."" Getting angry now, the Devil put the heat and humidity to the highest possib…

A nun was sitting at the airport, waiting for her flight to Chicago. She looked over in the corner and saw one of those weight machines that tells your fortune and thought to herself, ""I'll give it a try and see what it tells me."" She went over to the machine, stepped up on the scale and put her nickel in. Out came a card that read, ""You are a nun. You weigh 128 lbs, and you are going to Chicago."" The Nun sat back down and told herself that the machine probably gives the same card to everyon…