A man has a 50 note tattooed on his willy His wife says to him ""Why have you done that!?"" He replies ""For one, I like to see my money grow; two, I like to play with my money; thrid, I like to have money in my hand and finally the next time you want to blow fifty quid you can stay at home and do it.

A family is sitting around the supper table. The son asks his father: - Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there? The father, surprised, answers: - Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a women's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions. - Onions? - said the boy - Yes, see them and they make you cry, - the father replied. This infuriated the wife and daughter s…

Eric is in Hospital Who the hell is Eric ? Well,Eric is the geezer who got home late one night: Marilyn his wife was waiting for him with .... ""Where the hell have you been?"" Eric replies ""I was getting a tattoo!"" ""A tattoo? What kind of tattoo did you get?"" ""I got a hundred quid note tattooed on my willy"" he said proudly. ""What the hell were you thinking?"" she said, shaking her head in disgust. ""Why on earth would a Chartered Accountant get a hundred quid note tattooed on his willy?"…

A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, ""Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but.... Something happened. I'm trying to break this gently, but the fact is, your willy was chopped off in the wreck, and we were unable to find it."" The man groans, but the doctor goes on, ""You've got $9000 in insurance compensa…