Hillary and Trump tie in the election... And the election moderator isn't sure what to do. So he decides that the president will be decided by a foot race around the White House lawn. Trump is up first, and his final time around the lawn is 10 minutes 11 seconds. Hillary is up next, and her final time around the lawn is 9:20. The moderator tells Hillary she's won the election and the presidency, and tells her her time. Hillary asks ""9:20? Is that a record around the lawn?"" The moderator says "…

If Hillary wins the election... Will she hire immigrants to install the glass ceiling in the White House?

So Bush is elected President... ...and he decides to give Clinton a visit at the White House. So they're having drinks after dinner, conversation flowing, when Bush needs to relieve himself. He asks Bill where the urinals were, and Bill points him down a corridor, third door to the right. He notices that the urinal was golden - but assumes he was sent to a special bathroom, possibly for visiting dignitaries. Anyway, on their way home, he happens to mention this to Laura. She doesn't think it's a…

The president got off the helicopter in front of the White House with a baby hog under each arm. The Marine guard snapped to attention saluted and said ""Nice pigs sir"". The president replied ""These are not pigs these are authentic Arkansas Razorback hogs. I got one for Hillary and I got one for Chelsea."" The Marine again snapped to attention saluted and replied ""Nice trade sir.""