A penguin is driving through Arizona... A penguin is driving through Arizona in the middle of summer when smoke starts to emanate from the hood of his car. He pulls off the highway into a small town and luckily finds a mechanic. The mechanic tells the penguin it'll take him an hour to figure out what's wrong with his car and that if he's hungry there's a supermarket across the street. The penguin leaves his car with the mechanic and heads over to the grocery store. Browsing the aisles, he spo…

One July a gentoo penguin was driving cross-country from Atlanta, Georgia to Santa Monica, California. Of course he had the air conditioner on full blast, because he was a penguin (they like it super cold in the car.) He made it all the way to Winslow, Arizona when the blower in the car started to blow warm air. Penguins don't like much heat, and he started to get a bit worried. He fiddled with the knobs, but nothing worked. The air was getting warmer and warmer. The sun was out, and he start…

What if I color on you? What if I run a truck along your back? Steal your toy? Throw a ball? Spit food at you? - My toddler, wooing the dog

I think if a trained monkey could drive a car, cook & give out money, my kids wouldn't notice it wasn't me. I need a monkey.