The Tortured Life of a Tractor Enthusiast (Very Shaggy Dog Joke!) So there was this guy Dave, and Dave had always loved tractors despite being a city boy. Ever since he had been 5 years old he had wanted to own one in particular, a massive green John Deere with yellow wheels. For his tenth birthday his parents brought him a poster of this tractor and Dave worshipped it. He had this poster above his bed and would gaze at it for hours before he went to sleep. As soon as he was old enough Dave drop…

Once, long ago, there were two nation... The nation called Archimedal was in the west, with rich resources and beautiful forests and rivers and mountains. The nation of Newtonia, in the east, was much more industrialized. They had factories and cities, and all their forests had been razed for lumber. They were at war with each. Archimedal wished to learn the industrial techniques of Newtonia, and Newtonia longed to acquire the vast resources of Archimedal. Unfortunately, between the two nations …

A penguin's car breaks down. He takes it to a garage and the mechanic says, ""Look, I have two jobs ahead of you, so it's gonna be a while. Why don't you take the bus to the city aquarium and kill some time, and by the time you come back, I'll have figured out what's wrong with your car."" The penguin agrees and goes to the aquarium. He spends about an hour there and, being a penguin, looking at all the exotic fish makes him hungry. As he passes the sea lion exhibit, he asks, ""Hey, where's the …

Your accountants letter of resignation is postmarked Zurich. You have to hitch hike to the bank to make your car payment. Your suggestion box starts ticking. Your secretary tells you the FBI is on line 1, the DA is on line 2, and CBS is on line 3. You see your stockbroker hitchhiking out of town. You see the captain running toward the railing wearing a life jacket. They pay your wages out of petty cash. You make more than you ever made, owe more than you ever owed, and have less than you've ever…