How many Lutherans does it take to change a lightbulb? Change? Why do we need change? (It's cool, I go to a Lutheran church)

Joining the church and . . . A crusty old man walks into the local Lutheran Church and says to the secretary, "I would like to join this damn church." The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?" "Listen up, damn it. I said I want to join this damn church!" "I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this church." And with that said, the secretary leaves her desk and walks into the pastor's study to inform …

My dad just sent me this one, as the squirrels continue to run amok at his non-denominational church. There was once a small town experiencing an overpopulation of squirrels. The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they should not interfere with God’s divine will. At the Baptist church, the squirrels had taken an interest in the …

Vell Ole and Lena went to the same Lutheran Church...