Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear rug on his floor. The bear isn't actually dead. It's just too afraid to move.

Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to begin eating itself, as it was the less painful way to die.

"Uh-oh!" - My toddler, looking me dead in the eye while he feeds his dinner to the dog

told my girl I was going to a wine tasting, now she's coming and I was just gonna eat a dead bird and some expired cat food behind a Costco