Putin, Angela Merkel and Obama stand ona a dock... Obama says ""The USA built a submarine that can dive for 1 week without needing to refuel."" Putin responds ""Our nuclear submarines can dive for a whole month!"" Suddenly a old submarine comes out of the water. The hatch opens, a Wehrmacht -soldier comes out and says ""Heil Hitler we need fuel""

You think das ist a long time? Obama, Putin and Merkel meet in Hamburg for a private summit, and Merkel decides to break the ice with a nice walk around the lake (Alster). Obama, admiring the foliage, says ""you know, in the States, we have forests so vast, that some military training exercises last as long as 2 years."" Putin replies, ""Ah yes, but Comrade, the vastness and beauty of the Siberian wilderness is such that our soldiers don't leave for 4 years!"" Merkel, being the peace-keeper betw…

A guy walks in to a restroom..... and sees president Obama and president Putin at the urinal talking. The guy: what are you talking about? Obama: How we are going to start world war 3. Putin: Our idea is that we kill 50.000 Ukrainians and an it-consultant. The guy: why an it-consultant? Putin says to Obama. Ha, told you no one would care about the Ukrainians!

When Obama declared war on Ebola, an executive producer at Fox News tried to find it on google maps.