Why can't Brock Turner go to jail? Because with swim times like his, he might be president some day.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography. Homophobia is God's way of teaching us the names of Republican governors.

Sometimes to take a break from frightening election news, I watch something far less horrifying like 'The Shining' or 'Silence of the Lambs'

"the uk couldn't POSSIBLY leave" "trump couldn't POSSIBLY be president" "we couldn't POSSIBLY start eating each other out of necessity"