A Man visits Heaven and notices a wall of clocks... The man asks God, "What are all those clocks for?" "They represent each time someone lies. When they do, the clock moves one tick." The man walks around, observing the clocks. "Who right here has zero ticks?" he questions. "That would be Jesus' clock." replies God. "What about Abraham Lincoln's clock?" "Honest Abe has two ticks on his." Curious about the clocks, the man decides to ask, "Where is the President's clock?" God looks up at t…

How many Canadians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Twelve. Four to form a Parliamentary study committee to decide how to solve the problem, one Francophone to complain that I didn't translate this joke into French, one Native Canadian to protest that the interests of Native Canadians have been overlooked, one woman from the National Action Committee On the Status Of Women to say that women have been underrepresented in the process, one to go over the border to the Niagara Falls Factory Ou…

How can we be sure the government wasn't involved in the Kennedy assassination? Well he's dead, isn't he? (Adapted from Neil Gaiman's *American Gods*)

Which president was the most logical? Lincoln. He made the most cents.