A man falls off a boat in a storm and washes up on a deserted beach where he finds a lamp sticking out of the sand. Figuring ""Why the hell not?"" the man rubs the lamp and sure enough out pops this super hot female genie. The man can't believe his incredible luck. ""Greetings, Master,"" she says. ""I will grant you whatever you wish, whether it is incredible wealth, love, long life, or all these things. Just know there are two rules."" ""Rule one: I am very generous. There is no need to wish fo…

Stephen Hawking is going to hell... ... because there's only a stairway to heaven.

Bill Gates suddenly dies... ...and finds himself face to face with God. God stood over Bill Gates and said, "Well Bill, I'm really confused on this one. It's a tough decision; I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows '95 among other indiscretions. I believe I'll do something I've never done before; I'll let you decide where you want to go." Bill p…

Who the hell names food anyway? I recently started a new job and soon realized that some crazy fool was giving names to all of the food in the break room refrigerator. Today I had a tuna sandwich named 'Bob'.