Fish jokes One fish says to the other, ""You drink like a fish."" The other fish responds, ""So do you."" What did the sardine call the submarine? A can of people. What is the best way to communicate with a fish? Drop it a line. What fish is best to have in a boat? A Sailfish. What's the difference between a piano and a fish? You can tune a piano, but you can't tunafish! (from my son Josh) If fish lived on land, which country would they live in? Finland. Where do fish keep their money? In the ri…

Bill Gates suddenly dies... ...and finds himself face to face with God. God stood over Bill Gates and said, "Well Bill, I'm really confused on this one. It's a tough decision; I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows '95 among other indiscretions. I believe I'll do something I've never done before; I'll let you decide where you want to go." Bill p…

Some funny pick up lines Do you have a map? Cause I just got lost in your eyes. If your left leg is Halloween, and your right leg is Christmas, CAN I COME IN BETWEEN HOLIDAYS? My love for you is like diarrhea, i just can't hold it in. If i said you had a hot body, would you hold it against me? Nice legs...what time do they open? Um…I have a lotta money. Hey baby, did you just break wind? Cause you're blowing me away. Hey. Are you a parking ticket? Cause you got fine written all over you …

Just some funny one-liners 1. Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. 2. Borrow money from a pessimist -- they don't expect it back. 3. Time is what keeps things from happening all at once. 4. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. 5. I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian. 6. Never answer an anonymous letter. 7. It's lonely at the top; but you do eat better. 8. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. 9. Always go to …