A little story about my mate Dave So my mate Dave-- he's a pretty good lad. Nice house, nice friends, a solid job. All around he's got an easy life. But there was just one problem. He didn't have anyone to share it with. So, he goes up to my other mate Chris and he says, ""Chris, what's wrong with me, why can't I get a girlfriend?"" ""I'll be honest Dave. It's because you're obsessed with tractors."" And it was true! Dave was absolutely obsessed with tractors. He had tractor wallpaper, bedding, …

Just some jokes about musicians. How do you know the stage at a concert is level? Drool is coming out of both sides of the drummers mouth. What do you call a drummer with no girlfriend? Homeless. What do floutists eat for breakfast? Flute loops. How do you tune three oboeists? Shoot 2 of them. How many flute players does it take to change a light bulb? One, they stand on the ladder holding the bulb in the socket and wait for the world to revolve around them.

What did the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend? He wiped.

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his ass. (Haven't seen this on here, hope its not a repost.)