A little story about my mate Dave So my mate Dave-- he's a pretty good lad. Nice house, nice friends, a solid job. All around he's got an easy life. But there was just one problem. He didn't have anyone to share it with. So, he goes up to my other mate Chris and he says, ""Chris, what's wrong with me, why can't I get a girlfriend?"" ""I'll be honest Dave. It's because you're obsessed with tractors."" And it was true! Dave was absolutely obsessed with tractors. He had tractor wallpaper, bedding, pajamas, a cascade of farmhouse vehicle memorabilia. He would even refuse to eat his toast if it wasn't cut into the shape of a tractor. So, desperate for love, he goes to his Mum and says he wants all of his tractor-related things removed. ""Dave, are you sure? That's literally everything you own."" ""I'm sure. Get rid of it all."" So she sells everything from the shampoo to the curtains, and makes a tidy profit in the process. She buys Dave normal clothes, normal sheets, normal toast. She made him a new man. And it worked! Dave did get a girlfriend, and as they walked arm in arm down the street, they saw something in the distance. A house that had caught on fire! Not a moment wasted, Dave sprinted to the letterbox and, with one big gulp, sucked all of the oxygen out of the house, extinguishing the inferno. Renowned as a town hero, Dave found himself on national television, smiling nervously at an audience of admirers as the reporter asked him the fatal question. ""Dave! Dave, how did you do it? How did you accomplish this incredible feat?"" Dave turned to the camera, cleared his throat and said, ""My name's Dave. And I'm an ex-tractor fan.""