Just some jokes about musicians. How do you know the stage at a concert is level? Drool is coming out of both sides of the drummers mouth. What do you call a drummer with no girlfriend? Homeless. What do floutists eat for breakfast? Flute loops. How do you tune three oboeists? Shoot 2 of them. How many flute players does it take to change a light bulb? One, they stand on the ladder holding the bulb in the socket and wait for the world to revolve around them.

What did the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend? He wiped.

Misquoted Intentions Two friends, a black guy and a white guy, share an apartment. The white guy's watching TV when the black guy, obviously agitated, flops down on the couch. Black Guy: Man, I wish I could get a girlfriend. White Guy: Well, you know what Henry Ford said... Black Guy: What!? That is so racist! White Guy looks over confused: What? How is "Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right." racist? Black Guy: Oh, damn, I thought you meant another quote. White G…

What did the handyman do... when he got his girlfriend in bed with him for the first time? He screwed, nutted, and bolted.