Have you seen the midget outside Walmart, that hides from gay people? Of course you haven't.

Yesterday I was buying 2 large bags of dog food from Walmart... I was about to check out when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had – an elephant? Since I had little else to do, on impulse, I told her that no I didn’t have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn’t because I ended up in the hospital last time. On the bright side though, I had lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of …

Why was the bodybuilder banned from Walmart? Shoplifting.

The rash on Frank's bum Frank: I showed my doctor a rash on my bum yesterday, and he was all embarrassed and uncomfortable. Bill: That's very unprofessional, what did he say? Frank: He told me to make an appointment like everyone else, and said he was never going to shop in Walmart again.