Eino and Toivo, two upper Michigan handymen were hired to paint a flag pole and were going to be paid by the inch. As they were standing at the base of the flagpole looking up, trying as they may to figure how much to charge, a young woman walked by and asked what they were doing. ""We are supposed to find the height of this flag pole"" said Toivo, ""But we don't have a ladder. The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts and laid the pole down. She then took a tape measure from …

How many Canadians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Twelve. Four to form a Parliamentary study committee to decide how to solve the problem, one Francophone to complain that I didn't translate this joke into French, one Native Canadian to protest that the interests of Native Canadians have been overlooked, one woman from the National Action Committee On the Status Of Women to say that women have been underrepresented in the process, one to go over the border to the Niagara Falls Factory Ou…

How can we be sure the government wasn't involved in the Kennedy assassination? Well he's dead, isn't he? (Adapted from Neil Gaiman's *American Gods*)

Which president was the most logical? Lincoln. He made the most cents.