What's long and hard and makes women groan? тАУ An ironing board. I love women, but I feel like you can't trust some of them. Some of them are liars. I was in the park and I met this girl, she was cute and she had a dog. I went up to her, we started talking, and she told me her dog's name. Then I said: 'Does he bite?' She said: 'No.' And I said: 'Oh yeah? Then how does he eat?' Liar! Demetri Martin