A man had been shipwrecked alone on a remote desert island for two years when he suddenly noticed that a bottle had been washed ashore. And inside the bottle was a message on a piece of paper. With trembling hands, the man reached into the bottle and pulled out the piece of paper, his first contact with the outside world in twenty-four months. The message on it read: "Due to lack of activity, we regretfully inform you that we have cancelled your email account." I had a mate whose dream was to be run over by a steam train. It happened last week. Chuffed to bits, he was. Tim Vine