A medium was performing on stage before a handful of people. The theatre descended into darkness, the medium entered a trance-like state and after a couple of minutes of eerie silence, he called out plaintively: "Does the name Old Forge mean anything to anyone here?" "Well, I'll be damned!" cried a woman on the front row. "That was the name of my grandmother's house!" The medium said: "Well, my dear, I think I can contact her for you." The woman said: "So can I. She's sitting next to me!" You Might Need a New Psychic If . . . He looks suspiciously like the guy who fixed your leaking tap last week. His idea of an "out of body experience" involves whipped cream and women's clothing. His spoon bending requires a pair of pliers. He says your astrological sign is "those balancing thingies". He tries to read your tea leaves while they're still in the bag. Psychics Magazine rates him just below fortune cookies and just above your mom. He keeps trying to read your palm with his genitalia. He shakes his crystal ball, then predicts a severe snowstorm. PUNS