An important time for any young man in Scotland is when he "comes of age" and is allowed to buy and wear his first kilt. A few weeks before his big birthday, wee Kenny went to a tailor's shop and decided on the material he wanted for his first kilt. And while he was there, he also asked the tailor if he could make a pair of underpants in the same material because he had heard that wearing a kilt could be draughty. A few days later, the tailor called Kenny to say that his order was ready. When Kenny went to collect the items, the tailor handed him the kilt and underpants and told him that there was five yards of the material left over. "You might want to take it home in case you want anything else made of it," he suggested. So the lad rushed home with his order, and immediately tried on his new kilt. He was so excited that he couldn't wait to show the kilt off to young Fiona next door, but in his haste he forgot to put on the tartan underpants. When Fiona answered the door, he pointed to the kilt and said: "Well, what do you think?" "It's very nice," said Fiona admiringly. "Aye," said Kenny, lifting his kilt in the belief that he was showing her his matching underpants, "and if you think that's good, you'll like what's underneath." "Oh my!" exclaimed Fiona in shock. "Aye," he announced proudly, "and if you like what you see, I've got five more yards of it at home!" Where I come from, damp is a colour. Craig Ferguson