A man went into a fish and chip shop but was dismayed to receive only a small portion of chips. He asked the girl behind the counter: "Are you sure this fish is cooked properly?" "Yes. Why?" "Because it's eaten all my chips!" When you eat a lot of spicy food, you can lose your taste. When I was in India last summer, I was listening to a lot of Michael Bolton. Jimmy Carr How a Real Woman Interprets Handy Hints From British TV Cook Delia Smith Delia's Way: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips. The Real Woman's Way: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for God's sake! You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway. Delia's Way: If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a potato slice. The Real Woman's Way: If you over-salt a dish while you are cooking, tough shit! Remember the Real Woman's motto: "I made it, and you will eat it, and I don't care how bad it tastes." Delia's Way: Wrap celery in aluminium foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks. The Real Woman's Way: Let it keep forever. Who eats celery anyway? Delia's Way: Brush some beaten egg white over piecrust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.