The day Microsoft makes something that doesn't suck is probably the day they start making vacuum cleaners. Reasons Why Computers Must Be Male They carry plenty of data but are still clueless. They look nice and shiny until you bring them home. A better model is always just around the corner. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem. They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons. The best part of having one is the games you can play. The lights are on, but nobody's home. The smallest virus can render them helpless. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on. Big power surges knock them out for the night. Size does matter. Reasons Why Computers Must Be Female They hear what you say, but not what you mean. They correct you, even when you don't ask them to. They respond well to being re-booted. They have minds of their own. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for possible future review. They go down on you. The language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your monthly salary on buying accessories for it. Inserting a three-and-a-half-inch floppy can cause them to freeze. They take half an hour to warm up in the morning. You do the same thing for years, and suddenly it's wrong.