In ancient Greece, the great philosopher and teacher Socrates was revered for his wisdom and common sense. One day, he bumped into an acquaintance who said excitedly: "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?" "Wait a moment," replied Socrates. "Before telling me anything, I would like you to pass a little test. It is called the Triple Filter Test." "Triple Filter?" "Yes," continued Socrates. "Before you tell me about my student, it might be advisable to take a minute and filter what you are going to say. The first filter is truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?" "Well, er, not really," said the man. "I just heard about it and . . ." "Very well," said Socrates. "So you are not really sure whether the story is true or not. Now let us try the second filter, the filter of goodness. Is what you are about to tell me concerning my student something good?" "No, on the contrary . . ." "So," continued Socrates, "you want to tell me something bad about him, but you are not certain that it is true. You may still pass the test, however, because there is one filter remaining: the filter of usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?" "No, not really." "Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is not true, good, or even useful, why tell it to me at all?" And with that he walked off. This is the reason why Socrates was a great philosopher and was held in such high esteem. It also explains why he never found out that Plato was shagging his wife. COMPUTERS AND THE INTERNET Look at these kids today. We used to do crack, but they just drink Red Bull and go on the patio to smoke. The closest they've come to a fist fight is in a chatroom. 'You looking at my girlfriend? Well, I'm going to delete you from my MySpace friends list!' Doug Stanhope