[closes kitchen drawer gently and looks at son] I wasn't here *wife walks in with police officer* "did you take a knife to a job interview"

Parish priest A priest was being honoured at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner. He was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited. ""I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told…

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, ""Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."" ""No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous,…

DeeDee and DooDaa were best friends who loved to fish. One day while they were fishing, DooDaa fell in the lake and drowned. Frantic, DeeDee ran to the sheriff's office. He tried to explain what happened but DeeDee stuttered really badly. Finally the sheriff says ""just show me deedee."" They get to the lake and get doodaa's body out of the water and the sheriff says somebody will need to tell his wife. Being doodaa's best friend, DeeDee volunteers. He gets to the house and again just can't get …