3 Men go to heaven... God: What would you like everyone to say at your funeral Billy? Billy: That ""I was a great father and caring husband of a beautiful wife."" God: ok, what about you George? George: That ""I was a great doctor and have saved many lives."" God: Alright, what about you Timmy? Timmy: I want them to say: ""Hey look! He's MOVING!""

Patty the Irishman was drinking at his favorite watering hole... When George the bartender looked up, ""Patty it's closing time, get yer ass home Elaine is going to have your head!"" ""Oh I know, I know."" Patty got up, and immediately fell down. He crawled to the door, pulled himself up on the handle and fell through the door to the sidewalk outside. He made it to a parking meter and pulled himself up again, the whole way home Patty kept falling and getting back up. He finally made it home, he …

The wife enters the husband's office... The wife enters the husband's office with her mother by her side and says: ""George, is it true that your partner just died?"" ""Yes, it is, honey. Why do you ask?"" ""I was wondering, could you please put mom in his place?"" He replies: ""Well, you'll just need to talk to the gravedigger, I'm fine with it.""

George Phillips, an elderly man from Walled Lake, Michigan, was going up to bed George Phillips, an elderly man from Walled Lake, Michigan, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turnoff the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things. He phoned the police, who asked ""Is someone in your house?"" He said ""No, but some people are breaking into…