GOD: Peter, you will be heaven's bouncer ST PETER: What the hell, I don't want ST BERNARD (whispering): Shut up or he'll make you a dog

Three women all die in a car crash and go to Heaven on the same day.... They are waiting at the gate when St. Peter arrives and greets them, ""Welcome to Heaven, ladies. There is only one rule here in Heaven and it is don't step on the ducks."" The women each look at each other confusingly. St. Pete opens the gate and sure enough there are thousands of tiny ducks covering the ground. The first woman goes in and lasts a week and steps on a duck. St. Peter appears out of nowhere with the ugliest m…

In a small country pub, all the patrons became quite used to the pub owners little dog being around the bar, so were quite upset when one day the little dog died. Everyone met to decide how they could remember the little dog. The decision was to cut off his tail and stick it up behind the bar to remind everyone of the little dog's wagging tail. The little dog went up to heaven and was about to run through the pearly gates when he was stopped by Saint Peter, who questioned the little dog as to wh…

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven...... When they get there, St. Peter says, ""We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"" So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, ""Your punishment for …