Light bulb jokes How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to hold the Diet Coke and one to call daddy. How many real men does it take to change a light bulb? Real men aren't afraid of the dark. How many militant feminists does it take to change a light bu..THAT'S NOT FUNNY!!! How many Altzheimer's patients does it take to change a light bulb? To get to the other side. How many attention-deficit-disorder-kids does it take to change a light bulb? Look, a bunny. Ho…

A man watches TV Α man watches TV and start shouting : Dont go, Dont do it...Dont do it...NOOOOOOO His wife comes in and says : What are you watching there ? And the man says : I was just watching our wedding on DVD

College Student's Response to a Chemistry Mid Term Bonus Question. Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following: First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they a…

What do a gynecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common? They can both smell it, but they'll get fired if they eat it!

What do you do if you come across a lion in the jungle? Wipe it off and say you're sorry.

Knock knock. Who's there? Grandpa. Shit, stop the funeral!!!!!

How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? "Oh sure, just because I'm a woman means I have to do everything around here. And let me tell you..."

What's the difference between light and hard? You can fall asleep with a light on.

How many Dragon Ball characters does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just 1, but It'll take 7 episodes for him to do it.

What do you call a girl that you meet on Reddit? You don't.

What do you do when an elephant comes in your window? You swim!

Have you heard like 50% of Chinese people have cataracts? Yeah, I guess the other 50% drive "rincoln towncah".

Q: What do the Amish call a jar full of honeybees? A: A vibrator.

Military Jokes I'm a former Army guy and I need some jokes about other branches of the military. So far all I have is: In the Navy, how do you seperate the men from the boys? -With a crowbar. What's the worst thing in a woman? -A Marine

Why can't atheists solve exponential equations? They don't believe in higher powers.

Why do you make more money? A heart surgeon takes his Cadillac to his mechanic to get his engine fixed. When he returns a few days after to pick up the car, the mechanic calls him over to show him something. He says, "Okay Doc, I've changed the seals out and fixed everything up but I have one question. The engine is to the car as the heart is to the body. Why is it that you make some much more money than me?" The doctor examines the engine carefully and says, "try fixing it while the engine is…

How many perverts does it take to put in a light bulb? Just the two... but it takes a whole dedicated team at emergency to remove it.

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? Such number as may be deemed necessary to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following agreement: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and the party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform…

What's black and doesn't work? A broken TV.............. racist.

Two Goldfish were in a tank. What did one fish ask the other? So how do you drive this thing?

What did the earthquake say to all of its victims? Oh, sorry...my fault.

A guy starts a new job... A guy works at a new job on Thursday and Friday. On Monday he calls in and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick." He worked the rest of the week, but the following Monday he calls in and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick." The boss asks the foreman about him, and the foreman says, "He's great. He does the work of two men. We need him." So the boss calls the guy into his office, and says, "You seem to have a problem getting to work on Mondays. You're a goo…

What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common? Both of their last big hits were The Wall.

how do you know asians have broken into your home? the dog is gone, the homework is done and they're still trying to get out of the driveway

What's the fastest thing on Earth? Four men are being interviewed as part of a scientific survey that is being conducted in order to determine what's the fastest thing on earth. The first man says,"I think that it's probably a blink because you can blink so quickly that sometimes you don't even realize that your blinking." The second man scoffs at this idea and says,"A thought is certainly much faster than a blink, and I challenge anyone who disagrees with me to speak up now!" The third man tho…