Jesus Mary Jokes

This is the first joke I've ever written. Ol' Paddy walked into the bar, long faced and sullen, after a long day of working on his farm. The bartender asked him, ""Usual whiskey, Paddy?"" ""Not today, John,"" Paddy said. ""The wife has been bleating about wanting another kid, so she's forbidden me from drinking before the deed is done."" ""Well, at least you've got a good shag ahead of you tonight,"" John said. ""But that's just it, I don't know if I can afford another one. The food, the medicin…

Two men sitting at a bar... Two men are sitting next to each other at the bar well into their drinking. The first man says to the bartender, in a thick Irish accent, ""Sir, another shot of your finest whiskey!"" The second man looks at the first and says, with an equally thick accent, ""Well I'll be, by chance do you come from Ireland?"" ""I do sir! A round for me and my fellow countryman!"" The bartender pours the pair a shot each. The second man looks at the first and says, ""By chance, did yo…

Bagpiper A bagpiper was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man who had no family or friends. The funeral was to be held at a cemetery in the remote countryside, and this man would be the first to be laid to rest there. As the bagpiper was not familiar with the backwoods area he became lost. He finally arrived an hour late and saw the backhoe and the crew who were eating lunch, but the hearse was nowhere in sight. He apologized to the workers fo…