Heaven Jokes

Bran Muffins An old couple, he 85 years old and she 83, having been married almost 60 years, had died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years mainly due to the wife's interest in health food and exercise. When they reached the gates of Heaven, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen, master bath suite, and Jacuzzi. As they gasped at the splendor of their estate, the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. ""It's…

Good Golfer! A golfer teed up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his ball into a clump of trees. He found his ball and saw an opening between 2 trees he thought he could hit through. Taking out his 3-wood, he took a mighty swing. The ball hit a tree, bounced back, hit him on the forehead and killed him. As he approached the gates of Heaven, St. Peter asked, ""Are you a good golfer?"" The man replied, ""Got here in two, didn't I?""

A golfer and heaven A golfer teed up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his ball into a clump of trees. He found his ball and saw an opening between 2 trees he thought he could hit through. Taking out his 3-wood, he took a mighty swing. The ball hit a tree, bounced back, hit him in the forehead and killed him. As he approached the gates of Heaven, St. Peter asked, ""Are you a good golfer?"" The man replied: ""Got here in two, didn't I?

A priest and a rabbi arrived at the Pearly Gates. St Peter said: "Can I help you, gentlemen?" "I hope so," said the priest. "Father Feherty and Rabbi Michaels – we've just died and we would like to be welcomed into Heaven." St Peter studied his clipboard for their names. "I'm afraid not," he said. "You're not on my entry list." "But we must be," they chorused. "We're pillars of our respective faiths." St Peter scratched his head. "I'll tell you what I'll do: I'll send you down to Hell for the ti…

A keen golfer was in the middle of a round when he was suddenly struck by lightning and dropped down dead. When the man reached Heaven, St Peter confessed that the lightning bolt had been meant for his playing partner, but because he didn't want word to get around that God made mistakes, the man would have to return to Earth as someone else. "So," said St Peter, "what do you want to be?" The man gave the matter brief thought before answering: "I'd like to go back as a lesbian." "A lesbian?" quer…