Lowe's banned me for yelling "From the windows! To the walls! To the sweat drop down my balls!", as I explained how much carpet I needed.

I like to ask girls if they wanna take a shower with me then hand them a ski mask and drive to Lowe's.

Parking spot Today I had to go to Lowe's. As I approached the entrance, I noticed a female driver looking for a parking space. I flagged the driver and pointed out a handicap parking space that was open and available. The driver looked puzzled, rolled down her window and said, ""I'm not handicapped!"" Well, as you can imagine, my face was red! ""Oh, I'm sorry,"" I said. ""I saw your 'I'm Ready for Hillary' bumper sticker and just assumed that you suffer from a mental disorder."" She gave me the …

Older Men Scam Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I have seen for men. I wanted to pass it on in case you haven't heard about it. A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular customers at Lowe's, Home Depot, Costco, or even Wal-Mart. This one caught me totally by surprise. Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite…