I failed my Driver's test. Driving teacher: "What do you do at a red light?" Me: "I usually respond to texts and check my Twitter."

[guy who named the bedroom gets home] Honey? Our son got in trouble at the learnroom. His teacher called while I was driving in my wheelsbox

The grade three teacher asks the class to use the word ""contagious"" in a sentence and little johnny put's up his hand... ""Yes Johnny?"" ""Well miss, my dad actually used that word on the weekend. We were driving out in the countryside when we got stuck behind a pumpkin truck full of pumpkins. When my dad tried to pass him he sped up, so when we got to a roadside diner we stopped for lunch. ""Later on, we found the pumpkin truck further up the road on its side with pumpkins all over the road a…

It's contagious A teacher is instructing her fourth grade class, and she's telling them that the word of the day is 'contagious.' She asks if anyone can use this word in a sentence, and several students raise their hands. ""Carl,"" she says. Carl says, ""My dad told me to stay away from kids with mumps 'cause they're contagious."" ""Very good,"" says the teacher. Then she picks Suzie, who says, ""The atmosphere was contagious."" The teacher says, ""Excellent, Suzie!"" Then she notices that littl…