Every time someone tells you they are a vegan an angel eats a dog.

Dogs can lick their balls and no one bats an eye lid but when I do it you're all like get the hell away from my dog?

At least dogs look at you when you're talking with them as if to say, hell yeah I'd talk to you, but I'm a dog.

To the first two people who thought Superman was a bird or plane... why the hell were you so excited?