You lied! Santa Claus is NOT real, mom! If "mom" is even your real name... [Neighbor to mom] hi Susan! *kid faints*

When someone rings the doorbell I say to my kids, "I think it's Santa Claus!" so I don't have to get up.

I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus. The FedEx guy, and the Walmart greeter. Mom's kind of a slut.

What do Me, Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny have in common? You guessed it: we're all white.