I just wish my ex-wife could look down from Heaven and see me now. But no, she's still alive.

[wife gets in the car after talking with the priest] "What did the priest have to say?" "He said you have to stop rapping over the choir."

ANIMAL CONTROL: what the hell were you thinking ME: releasing birds at a wedding is romantic ANIMAL CONTROL: you released ostriches

What'sApp Me: Mom, what's for dinner? Mom : typing ... *gets married* *have kids* *gets old* *dies* *goes to hell* Mom: Fish, honey!