My mother has now been sending me a Valentine's card for 28 years. She's persistent but I'm not interested.

My mom: I was thinking of getting my grandson a drum set for Christmas! Me: Funny. I was just thinking about getting a new mother.

One time I wore my brother's t-shirt, and my dad asked if I was dressing up as his favorite child for Halloween.

Halloween '94: Mom says store sold out of Batman costumes and buys me a Catwoman one. Called me Catman. The worst part: she went as Batman?