My mother has now been sending me a Valentine's card for 28 years. She's persistent but I'm not interested.

My mom has a rule that we do nothing on Christmas that Jesus didn't do. Apparently, Jesus drank a pitcher of martinis & hit on the caterer..

One time I wore my brother's t-shirt, and my dad asked if I was dressing up as his favorite child for Halloween.

Halloween '94: Mom says store sold out of Batman costumes and buys me a Catwoman one. Called me Catman. The worst part: she went as Batman?