I like that the doctor always asks if I'm a smoker. When I say yes, he tells me I should quit. No shit? Thanks. Here's all my money.

I just want to be rich enough to donate enough money to have a wing at the mental hospital named after me

*runs into restaurant* IS ANYONE HERE A DOCTOR? "I'm a doctor" Nice. Nice. Can you buy me dinner I'm very poor

My dentist just looked in my mouth and said something is gonna have to come out. I suspect he's talking about my wallet.